5 Cs of Relationships

As I see most of my peer group from school, college and colleagues finally settling down in matrimony, it takes me back a long time to my teenage days when this fascination for getting into a perfect relationship first germinated.

The endless discussions with friends on love marriage versus arranged marriage and what qualities you look for in your life partner questions were done to death those days. Many die-hard proponents of love marriage ended up in proper matrimony suggested by parents and incredibly some seeda-saada chupe rustoms ended up with life partners of their choice. ( No names here :) )

As brash youngsters we start life imagining we have all the answers and total control of our lives; Only with time and experience the truth dawns on us, its not so simple. Sitcoms like How I Met your Mother and F.R.I.E.N.D.S play on the question which  is on the mind of very single person on this planet – 

When will I meet the right person and more importantly how will I know ?.

There is a romantic answer when it happens when it happens but as a Engineer/MBA I had to drill it down to a formula. ( ya right :P )

Here goes 5 Cs of the perfect relationship

Chemistry:- The first spark in any relationship is the irresistible attraction which is often irrational when hormones begin to rage. Chemistry has a role to play in a relationship, unfortunately people attach to much importance to it than needed as youth/looks are transient.  

Compatibility:- I never believe the old adage opposites attract. A shared context and values which can take a relationship forward when the heady attraction subsides. The question comes into my mind is do you see yourself with this person 50 years from now.

Convergence:- Sometimes we meet the right kind of person and we do seem to get along like fire but then unfortunately there is no convergence in goals or dreams. Such kind of relationships are quite troublesome while you do want to make them work but the burden of killing your dreams doesn't make them worth it. Long distance relationships often brings in long lasting cracks instead.

Communication: In every relationship, there are bound to be disagreements and small annoying flaws, but the only way to deal with them is open dialogue and communication. Talking aloud makes all the difference. I am not saying ranting and going ballistic is going to help, but soft spoken objective interactions can go a long way in soothing nerves and making that difference.

Conviction: People today lack the patience and conviction to make a relationship work. Its all lovey-dovey at first, but at the first sign of trouble, people crumble and seek the exit route. This only leads to a series of unfulfilled relationships which leaves one emotionally exhausted. In life there are bound to be ups and downs, it is better to have that one anchored relationship which can help you navigate through life instead of drifting aimlessly.

Finally be it a man or a woman have faults, its remarkable how two imperfect beings seek a perfect relationship. But by adhering these 5 principles, any relationship can be improved greatly.

The Striver and Drifter

Yesterday I watched 2 interesting movies Black Swan and 7 Khoon Maaf. This post is not a movie review per say but looking closer at the title characters played by Natalie Portman (Nina) and Priyanka Chopra (Suzanna) and how they represent 2 distinct character types the striver and the drifter.

The Striver: Nina is a good ballet dancer who has had an unremarkable career for almost 4 years. Her dream is become the lead dancer and achieve glory and perfection. When she gets the dream role her real ordeal begins. The rest of movie looks at how coming so close to achieving her dream changes her equations with her family, friends and her own self worth.

Characteristics of a striver

• Extremely passionate, hardworking and ambitious person 
• The ambition is very lofty and borders on almost unhealthy obsession 
• Unfortunately hard work is no substitute in some cases for raw talent. 
• The person focuses too much on skill/techniques than you stop enjoying life 
• Family and friends become secondary, that you are like a horse with blinkers 
• You lose perspective and unable to handle failure or pressure. 
• A striver often ends up hurting oneself emotionally than any enemy ever could. 

Needless to say, although ambition, drive is essential for one to succeed in one’s chosen field, but an unhealthy obsession doesn’t helps cause. Sometimes person does not even know his/her own key strengths and her purpose in life and may be chasing some fancy or living out a parent’s unfulfilled dreams.

The Drifter: Suzanna is a woman with considerable beauty and wealth at her disposal. In her quest for true love, she constantly re-invents herself to match up to her current husband/lover. E.g.: becoming a rocker girl for her rock star boyfriend, a deep interest in Urdu when she courts a poet. She soon finds something wrong in her life and she kills her husband and but soon enough she is optimistic again to pursue true love.

Characteristics of a drifter

• A distinct lack of an ambition/ focus in life
• Although natural talent helps one achieve his/her short term goals there is no real effort to achieve perfection
• Prone to blame others for one’s problems with a victim complex
• Extremely fickle minded, today want to become a swimmer tomorrow a violin player.
• Unable to break a vicious self destructive pattern in life

The Real world: Although each of us really wants to achieve success in our chosen field, success has several components: - skill, efforts, networking, ability to unlearn and relearn, luck and patience.

Sometimes we may just not have what it takes to reach the pinnacle. Although millions want to become a Sachin Tendulkar or a Roger Federer only a handful will ever reach that space.

But it is certain neither a drifter or a striver will ever be happy in life as their approach is very much skewed. Ironically although a drifter and striver seem very different on the surface but what they are doing is actually the same thing. Having a fixed pattern in life and keep repeating it over and over.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different result - Albert Einstein

PS: What I really thought about the two movies;
Black Swan an amazing concept well executed and great performance by Natalie Portman and others.
7 Khoon Maaf is tad gimmickry driven, although the premise is interesting it is led down by predictable linear screen play. Although Priyanka Chopra was valiant enough to attempt this but the role was way out of her league.