The inspiration for this article was a soft skills training I attended recently. Most folks attend such trainings because they are on bench or like the pretty instructor or similar such nefarious intentions, but this session on assertiveness did force me to think a lot about it for several days.
In today's world people seem to operate at extremes only. If we see the actions of the Taliban or extremists attacking the civil world or the US trying to bomb Afghanistan and Iraq into submission. In India itself, the self appointed 'moral' police who are uncultured brutes who resort to aggressive tactics to suppress the rights of women. The usual common man in India backs down to such pressure and does not bother to vote and takes the passive way out to deal with the world. What both sides are missing is the virtue of assertiveness
Let us take a simpler closer to home example, how many of us have been mollycoddled into doing something we did not want to do by our loved ones, to act against our will. Haven't we all not succumbed to pressure not wanting to hurt others and ended up hurting ourself at some point of time?
Assertiveness as per definition is standing up for your rights without infringing on the rights of others. In a way, referring to the epics Lord Krishna asking Arjuna to take on his cousins in the battle of Kurushetra to even history Mahatma Gandhi leading the non violent freedom moment shows us the importance of being assertive in our lives.
Rights of an assertive individual
- The right to voice his opinions without fear
- The right to make mistakes ( without malice or as Hriday points out freedom to make mistakes and not a right persay )
- The right to be accept one's ignorance
- The right not to be emotional manipulated
- The right to change your mind
- To right to make unconventional decisions
As they say, with power comes responsibilites, we cannot be just self centred in pursuit of own rights so there are some duties as well.
Duties of an assertive individual
- To listen to other person's point of earnestly
- To work for a workable compromise
- To stand by your views in adverse conditions
Before, we start practicing assertiveness, what we need as individuals is the clarity of purpose, an open mind to entertain opposing views and the ability to engage in dialogue without being highhanded. With these thoughts in mind, I think the world will be much better to place to live in if we can find the voice to speak our minds and offcourse listen to others.
Nice post. I do agree very much especially that all rights come with duties. This is advocated in our constitution as well - Fundamental rights and fundamental duties.
ReplyDeleteBut i would rather reword one line - The *Right* to make mistakes to The *Freedom* to make mistakes as otherwise most people will make mistakes and claim it is their right!
Hey Hriday - thanks for the comment ! what i wanted to mean there was right to make mistakes without malice or deliberate intentions... have added your caveat as well
ReplyDeletekeep your comments coming !
Hey Gans, another neat post from a very neat person..
ReplyDeleteI personally feel, its an ongoing learning to be assertive.. But then, it should not end up in being selfish as you have mentioned.. There is a thin line between being assertive and being selfish and one should never forget that .. Afterall, not all personal sacrifices (which are done for others) are wasted, some do end up with serendipity.. :-)
Hey Sandy ... I totally agree with you selfishness in the same of assertiveness will be actually a kinda of passive aggression, the point i was trying to make is we do become door mats and keep hoping foolishly that other person will change some day, tats the need for assertiveness.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you post ur comments very regularly i appreciate that gives me encouragement to write more :) thanks again !
Nice post Ganesh, by the way a small point of difference as I differ from using the word the freedom to commit differences....ideally we should learn from our mistakes and make better decisions or at least should not repeat them...
ReplyDeleteI guess freedom of making mistakes somewhere dilutes the clause....for which I feel THE RIGHT TO MAKE MISTAKES is an appropriate phrase to use :-)
You really write well Ganesh....I can relate very well to your words......good work re.....keep it up :-)
@ IZ - thanks man for your kind words :)
ReplyDeleteI guess we should not regret too much, once we take corrective steps to overcome them, we shouldnt torment ourselves by the ghosts of the past. learn and move on !